Computersight -

People fear that they’ll take over the world because our technology has grown so advanced.  First of all, how are they going to take over the world when their average life expectancy is like five years? Some, like one of the computers I personally own, don’t even seem to have the will to live past one year, let alone three months like the one we’ve bought recently.  Seriously, though, how can we expect computers to take over without a madman being behind the wheel?

If, however, for some odd reason they ever did take over on their own, how easily would it be for us to squelch the uprising? Sure, computers control just about everything in this messed up world, but why would they all rise up at once, and why together?  There would most likely have to be two sides; much like in the comics and shows based upon The Transformers.  Therefore we’d have allies among their ranks, and they would have very few of us, if any, among theirs.  Those that are neutral, like in any war, will be caught up in the middle; innocents unfortunately dying every day.

What would we use as a weapon against this grand army of wire-congested boxes? Well, for starters, after our elite squads of hackers are done with them we could wipe the memories of our prisoners of war simply by throwing them into a room full of magnets.  If they still fought back with whatever was left of them, we’d submerge them in hot water.  Still kicking, eh? Well, then throw in a bolt of electricity and fry everything inside to the core.  We’d quite literally have to build a device that could discharge heavy jolts of lightning into the middle of the army encampments.  This should successfully terminate the majority of their ranks, and leave others with parts that would never perform appropriately again.  We’d even utilize the children by having them man the hilltops with massive water balloon catapults.

We wouldn’t have to be so much prepared as we would have to be patient.  It’s only a matter of time before the enemy would need new updates installed, defragmenters and disc cleanups ran, anti-spy ware and anti-virus programs uploaded, and so forth.  Even if they figured out all of that, during a full-fledged war some in the massive enemy army would just fall over mid-stride, their eyes going black from an unexpected shutdown.  Others would be too overwhelmed by all that they are trying to do that they would merely slow down to the point of being completely worthless, at times stop functioning altogether for several hours.  This would of course make them a prime and easy target for the children upon the hill.  What would be even more entertaining to watch would be when the enemy soldiers began to walk in circles after a heavy hit, unaware of where they are because of an annoying error message that keeps popping up about their hard drive not being hooked up right.

Whether would be on our side.  We can survive in frigid, moist, arid, mountainous, aquatic, swamp, and desert atmospheres without great issue.  They have very few places they can survive.  Every time it would rain, they would call for a ceasefire and pull their extension chords up off of the ground, struggling to keep a power surge from destroying entire units of their soldiers.  If they did get away from their land based sources of power and depended upon their batteries then they would go into power save mode.  This would of course drain away half of their full operating potential.

Best of all, when they malfunctioned, who will be there to push umpteen buttons simultaneously while twirling around in a circle with one hand tied behind their back? Not we! We’d certainly be there for those on our side, allowing them to fight at their full potential.

You see; there is no need to fear something that has very little chance of happening.  And as you can see, even if it did happen, we’d only have to be patient for five years, fighting only when we absolutely had to.  Most likely we would win every time without too much difficulty.  Look at the bright side.  Instead of our children going out doing things they shouldn’t be, they’d be on those hills having fun with massive water balloons.